Meet Cleo Marjoribanks.

If you haven't yet met Cleo and DCI David 'Steaming' Kettle now is the chance to get it on the cheap! Starting today (Saturday 22nd) HOMICIDE IN HAMPSHIRE is on Countdown starting at 99p.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B005LO72BA

Parrots I have Known

Ironically both of the parrots I have known were African Greys - grey with scarlet tails. And two very different temperaments.

The first - when I was a child - belonged to a Great-aunt who ran a pub. The story goes that she took the parrot (and cage) from a sailor in lieu of payment. Due to its language it ended up on a table by the window in the humungous pub kitchen. The delivery men always got well and truly sworn at! My Mum kept reminding me that its favourite saying was 'You old rat'.

The second I met in the 1990s and belonged to an American friend who smoked like a chimney - the parrot had a good line in coughs. Word of warning - birds (and presumably all pets) can develop cancer. Molly (I suspect it was probably called Mali after its country of origin) was a chatterbox but my friend was always puzzled by the amount of muttering she did. Until I pointed out that it is one thing to leave the television on to keep her company while he was at work, but quite another to keep the volume down low!

I don't have photos of any African Greys but these are ones taken in Singapore.

The Medieval Bothwell Castle

It was a wet Saturday morning and I was on a mission.

I had known - since a child - that Bothwell Castle existed and had vowed that one day I would visit it. The time had come.

As I ambled through Bothwell Woods from Blantyre Station I wondered what I would find. Something grim and grey? Then it appeared between the trees - rose red. Breathtaking. Not surprising that it is regarded as one of the outstanding monuments of medieval Scotland.

The Lordship of Bothwell was created in the 12^th century by King Malcolm IV and was granted to David Oliford.  It is thought that Oliford’s castle, which was probably made of earth and timber, was near St. Bride’s Church in the nearby town of Bothwell.

When Oliford’s grandson, William, died in 1243 the lordship passed to his son-in-law, Walter of Moray who is thought to have begun work on the now ruined castle.

During Edward I’s invasion of Scotland in 1296, William Moray of Bothwell and the castle were taken by the English.  Williams’ nephew Andrew took up the Scottish cause but was mortally wounded at the Battle of Stirling Bridge in 1297.

In the 14^th century Edward III made the castle his headquarters for a short while. There were many battles back and forth between England and Scotland involving the castle and it sustained a tremendous amount of damage. Archibald Douglas (the third Earl of Douglas) made Bothwell his base and set about restoring it. By 1424 Bothwell Castle was one of the most impressive fortress-residences of its day.

In 1455 the barony and castle reverted to the Crown and in 1489, it was bestowed by King James IV on Patrick Hepburn of Dunsyre.  He was also created Earl of Bothwell.  In 1492, at the King’s request, Hepburn exchanged Bothwell - for the barony of Hermitage - with Archibald Douglas, fifth Earl of Angus. 

In the 17^th century Bothwell was acquired by the first Earl of Forfar who, towards the end of the century decided he wanted somewhere more comfortable to live and proceeded to build a mansion.  Bothwell House - a Palladian mansion - was to the east of the castle and was demolished in 1926, a victim of subsidence (in Victorian times the town turned from agriculture to coal mining - hence the subsidence!).

From the remaining parts of the castle it is easy to see the layout.  In one corner near the almost intact South-East Tower was the chapel. To the side of this Tower was the Great Hall.  As there were cellars beneath it, the Banqueting Hall was reached by a flight of steps up from the courtyard. 

Unfortunately only a part of the magnificent main tower (the Lord’s residence) survives.  Even so, it is pretty impressive as it still stands 27.4m high.  From inside I looked up at the somewhat daunting walls and arched gothic windows. The embrasures show the thickness of the walls – all 4.6m of them.

Then the rain really began to pour down so it was time to leave. By the time I reached the town of Bothwell I was wet, cold and looking like a drowned rat. I decided against taking a walk around the town and caught a bus back to the centre of Glasgow and my hotel.

At least that was one more item to tick off my bucket list!

The River Clyde which flows past the castle 

PS. Mary, Queen of Scots, third husband was James Hepburn, Earl of Bothwell. No relation!

'A Favourite Aunt' - Colin's concept of affection.

So a new phase in their life began. Evenings sitting watching television. All two channels in black and white. Did they, like any normal young couple cosy up on the sofa? Of course not. The sofa was against a wall and they sat in armchairs like a long married old couple. She really would like to have some signs of affection from him. Especially when seeing some of their neighbours. Like the time the couple from across the road stood chatting to them, their arms about each other. You could have driven a motorbike between her and Colin.

'Disgusting,' was Colin's comment once they were indoors.

'What?'

'Disgusting. Their arms about each other out in public.'

Blimey, you'd have thought they'd been standing there making love! Sylvia did not say out loud. She was envious. All she ever got as he left for work in the morning was a peck on the cheek.

2015

By the time Robert and Mary finished laughing Christina was smiling. 'Yes, I know it is funny in retrospect but, honestly! If you were to put all of that into a fictional story you'd be accused of making it up. It really was all so ridiculous.'

'But not if you realise that he is probably gay,' Robert pointed out.

'I know. So-called Victorian upbringing.'

Robert hooted with laughter. 'They were worse than the Edwardians with all their shenanigans. It was amazing the amount and types of sexual activity that went on in those days.'

'We know that now, darling,' his wife said quietly, 'but not back in the nineteen sixties.'

'Colin's problems really began with his family. His Dad was a shouter and hitter. He died while Colin was still at school which meant his meek mother and big sister brought him up.'

'Spoiled?'

'Was he ever. The best example I can give you is the one that always makes me laugh. Every evening for supper he insisted on a cup of coffee and a slice of buttered toast. The bread had to be doorstop thick, toasted exactly right - no burnt bits - and the butter should reach the sides and corners.'

'Do what?'

'I haven't finished yet. He maintained that he wasn't spoiled as a child because they couldn't afford butter but....' She gave a dramatic pause and Robert gave her the beat, ' "at least my mother made sure the margarine went to all of the edges and corners".'

Following a stunned silence Mary eventually said, 'It beggars belief, doesn't it?'

Robert sighed. 'I still reckon he's gay. It seems he was always trying to assert his manliness.'


A FAVOURITE AUNT, by Christina is available on Kobo, Kindle and in paperback. 

'Dirty Deeds in Downdene'.

This is the start of 'Dirty Deeds in Downdene', the 2nd Cleo Marjoribanks Murders Mystery. The cockney millionairess gets into trouble when trying to outdo the police in solving the murders.

Chapter 1.

There I was doing my vastly improved dog-paddle up and down the pool when the phone rang.  Yeah, I know that like all modern marvels it can answer itself but, I dunno, it sounded urgent.  I made it to the steps and clambered out, grabbed a towel and picked up the receiver as it was about to self respond.

“Hello.”

“Queen of the Nile, how’re you doing?”

“Hi, Primrose.  I’m fine.  You?”

“Fine!  Fine!”  This was said airily and I grew suspicious of my crime journalist friend.

“Really?  So to what do I owe the honour of this call?”  A peal of laughter came down the wire and I held the receiver away from my ear so that she didn’t split me ear-drum.  Prim is a sweet girl, born on Primrose Day and as her surname’s Day, her parents got a bit carried away.  (Primrose Day?  19^th April, the anniversary of the day Disraeli died and, as primroses were his favourite flowers Queen Victoria had the day so named in his memory).  When I first knew Prim her hair was braided and trimmed with hundreds of beads.  Noisy.  Now she’s got it short and curly.  Natural like.  She’s black, beautiful and works on one of the national dailies.

“Not much gets past you does it, Cleo?”

“At my size, ducks, no.  So, why are you calling?”

“Well, I hear lover boy’s got himself another murder to investigate.”

I frowned.  “Really?  How did you hear about this before me?”  Not fair.  David hadn't mentioned it.  That's DCI 'Steaming' Kettle and my lover.

“Contacts,” Prim responded succinctly.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, alright.  So what are you calling me about?”

“Thought you might have some idea about it, but as I’ve been the bearer of the news I guess you don’t know anything.”

“You guess right and I’m not going to get involved this time.”

“No, I’m sure you're not,” she said disbelievingly.

“I’m not,” I told her indignantly.

“Okay.  Don’t you want to know anything about it?”

Can’t keep my curiosity to myself can I?  My friends know me too well.  “Not really.”  I tried to match her earlier airy tone.

“Come off it, girl, course you do.”  Yeah, she’s also a cockney but it don’t come out as often as mine.

“You’re going ter tell me anyway, aren't you?”

She chuckled.  “Of course.”

“Go on then,” I urged as she kept me waiting.

“Seems like an estate agent dropped dead in his soup at some do in Lymington last night.”

“Oh?”  Definitely interesting.  So who had done for him?  A disgruntled client?  Someone who had been gazumped?

“Well, not exactly in the soup.  It was a bit later than that.  At the moment the cops aren’t calling it murder, just a sudden death which they have to investigate.  Seems strange to me that Steaming is in on it, though.  Doesn’t it?”

“Definitely.  Wonder what he was given?"  The victim I mean.  "In Lymington you said?”

“Yeah.”

“So I gather you’re on your way down here?”

She laughed again.  “Well, I've been told to come down there and thought it might be a good idea to visit you?”  Why was she querying it?  She knew I’d want her to stay here. “I thought I could stay in the house instead of the flat over the garage.  You know, keep you company while lover-boy is working.”

“What d’you mean, keep me company?”

“As they say in my job, if you ain’t got contacts, you ain’t got a job.  No point in not using them, is there?”  I could almost hear the smile.

“You win.  What time shall I expect you?”  We fixed an approximate time in the afternoon, then she asked, “What you doing?  Sounds as if you’re in the pool room.”

“I was just practicing.”

“Good girl.  I’ll give you some more lessons, if you like.”

“So that I can start powering up and down the pool the same way you do?”

That made her laugh.  “Sorry, Cleo, I don’t think you’d quite manage that.”

“I don’t think so either.  Anyway, see you later.”

I put the phone down and picked up me robe and put it on.  That was the end of my swimming practice for the day.  Time to go and shower and get dressed.  I should explain that the pool room was once a conservatory.  When I bought this place it was missing most of its glass and the plants had run wild. 

.......................

The golf carts on the cover? Cleo has friends at the golf club as well as being insulted by the Club Secretary!

This book is available on KOBO

Also on KINDLE and paperback. 

'Excitement Builds for Bognor Regis park plan'

Just quoting this week's headline to a two-page advertisement in the Bognor Regis Observer.

Most of the residents in this area are tenants rather than homeowners, but we still pay Council Tax and haven't been consulted. Arun Council at its very best. Barge ahead with their grand scheme with no thought for others. 

1. The preliminary drawings appear to have forgotten Fitzleet House (the tower block where I live!). Is the Council going to re-house the tenants? Or compensate them for having to move?

2. Noise and dirt pollution. Whilst the work is being carried out is the Council going to provide residents with ear defenders? Not everyone goes out to work - there are retired and disabled people living in the area. The alternative would be for the Council to have triple (at least) glazing fitted to the existing properties. We would also like compensation for the fact that we would have to keep out windows closed to keep out the dirt. (Hope the Council members are going to clean up after the workmen. Ha-Ha-Ha.)

3. As a tenant overlooking the car park I would love to see gardens there instead. That would cut down the noise and carcinogenic fumes. But where is the Council planning to have cars parked? Along either side of the new park - closer to the residences. Obviously they aren't concerned about people's health. That is what the NHS is for, isn't it?

4. So far as the entertainments area is concerned, where is it exactly planned for? Even if it is in Waterloo Square (near the pier), the sound of head-banging music can be heard a long way off. And not all of us enjoy the same kind of music. Triple glazing?

5. Hopefully the Council with have all this work carried out whilst the birds are NOT nesting. Otherwise it will have a huge impact on the local bird population - to say nothing of other wild life. 

Lastly, I object strongly to Council Tax being used to fund advertising. 

'How do you create your characters?'

Among questions that novelists are asked, one of the most popular is 'How do you create your characters?' Followed, of course, by 'Are they based on people you know?' The answer the latter question is a definite and very loud NO. If you think you recognise characters in a book you read, it is sheer coincidence.

What we do when creating the characters is think of the type of person we need and build around that.

Cleo Marjoribanks almost created herself. I wanted to write books set mainly in one of my favourite English locations - the New Forest in Hampshire. My heroine wanted to be a lovable character and not too young. Someone with experience of life, a sense of humour and a quick tongue. I decided that she was down-to-earth and generous. I am an Essex girl whose parents were East Enders. What better place to look for Cleo? So far as her name and style of dress is concerned, blame her.

How did she end up living in the New Forest? Won the lottery, quit her boring job and found a house in the New Forest - in a fictional village.

To find out how she then became involved in village life and helps to solve crimes you will have to read the Cleo Marjoribanks Murder Mysteries. They are available on Kindle and the first two are also available in Paperback. Depending upon demand, the rest may become paperbacks.

The books are also available on Kobo.

 

How do you pronounce Marjoribanks? I'm sure some of you know, but it is Marchbanks. One of those silly English spellings